AC's Luncheon Blog

Luncheon03/07/09

2009-07-03T12:35:00.003+01:00

I'm having a bloody terrible day. Auditors really starting to annoy me now, I'm hungry, tired and it's pissing it down. So decided today to opt for more comfort food for two reasons, one, I'm bloody miserable and two, Gregg's is the closest place to walk to in the rain. So I give you: The Impromptu, Stodgy, Dead-Bad-For-You Gregg's Three-Course Banquet!

This consisted of a starter of fine seasoned succulent pork mince, wrapped delicately in all butter puff pastry, hand-rolled by er... (actually don't want to think about what may have prepared it in Walsall). Accurately dubbed the "Sausage Roll". A standard salty pork fest. Top norris.

For main course we have the pièce de résistance, the all-new Gregg's "Fajita Chicken Lattice". This is a new addition to the Gregg's arsenal of coronary delights. Now I must say, it tastes splendid. It's difficult to peer into the slime inside and make out what's actually in it, but it seems to be made mostly of some kind of orange paste. I'm guessing, both from experience and my taste-buds that this consists of some kind of excuse for cheese, paprika, cumin, chili powder and possibly some excuse for peppers and onions somewhere. Of the chicken... Well, I don't recall sensing any. There may have been some deep in the slurry, but it was also volcanically hot, so I'll never know. All in all, as tasty as a Gregg's pasty gets! Nom

For dessert we have the standard Gregg's Peperoni pizza. This is the first time I've had a peperoni one from there. I normally just have the cheese pizza. What did the peperoni add to the dry, chewy, tomato paste-laden slice of unpleasantness? Well it added saltiness. So now its a dry, chewy, tomato paste-laden slice of salty unpleasantness. Not impressed.

Also, it's Friday and thus, project:Adonis weigh in day:

project:Adonis weight: 14st 12lb

So, I've gon nowhere this week. Hardly surprising though considering I've been eating crap constantly...

Luncheon 02/07/09

2009-07-03T12:32:00.003+01:00

Yesterday I was stuck at work being bum-raped by auditors so I didn't manage to post luncheon details. I was also in a rush and in need of a serious carb fix. So we have the old classic hummus 'n' bread!

As you can see, I also availed myself of some bhajis and samosas. Very tasty, standard stuff. Shan't bore you too much...

Luncheon 01/07/09

2009-07-01T12:50:00.006+01:00

Another mad busy day so I write this as I chow down on another Tesco special. Today we have 8 Chicken Nuggets and a 'Seafood Cocktail' sandwich. Also Tropicana pomegranate, grape and apple.

Well the chicken nuggets are ace, and now in a box so they don't go soggy like they used to. I'm sure they're full of salt and dreaful for me. 'Seafood Cocktail', hmm... An interesting claim. It appeared to be some minced up seafood sticks and a prawn (one prawn) in some slime. Now, I told you what was in seafood sticks before. I'm not sure what I was expecting from this sandwich but it was like eating somebody's chilled snot... Nasty. I had images in my head of succulent prawns, chunks of crayfish, of salmon flakes and tuna, maybe even some smoked mackerel fillet. I think the heat must be messing with my mind.

Since I began writing this, one of the boys walked in with an ice-lolly for everyone. Splendid! So I had a rocket shaped lolly that tasted of... er... Disinfectant. But it was nonetheless very refreshing in this very warm afternoon. Sadly, I can no long taste anything after the severe chilling and massacring of my tastebuds, so i'll never know what my juice tasted like. It seemed warm though so not entirely pleasant.

Enjoy your luncheon!

Frazzles and SCIENCE!

2009-07-01T10:48:00.001+01:00

Frazzles are bloody great, especially for breakfast. I've come to the conclusion over the years that a savoury breakfast is much more fulfilling than a sweet breakfast. Also, I find them more palateable. I'm one of a breed of people that just can't deal with breakfast in the morning, I need to do something first. Generally, I get up, have a glass of water, shower and walk the 2.3 miles to work every day. When I get there I have my brekkie, toast, porridge, nutrigrain bar, banana, whatever. That's fine. By the time I've managed to saunter all the way there, my bizarre digestive system is ready to accept sustinence. If I try and eat straight after getting up, I feel awful. Can't stomach it at all... An example, I stayed at my bro's gaff on Friday night, as I am often wont to do. We had to get up pretty early the next day to set up a summer fête, and upon the morn, my brother's wonderful fiancée provdide me with two rounds of splendid toast. I was nearly sick... I don't know what it is about mornings but I can't deal with it.

Now, what has this to do with Frazzles you say? Well, frazzles appear to be the only thing I can stomach first thing in the morning. Why? I think it's down to salt content. I can manage a bacon sarn about half an hour after getting up, sausage, maybe 45 minutes, toast an hour, cereal 90 minutes. It seems to me that the salt content is inversely proportional to the time in which I can consume said product. This can be displayed thus:

T=Ô/S

Where: T = Time after awakening (minutes); Ô = The nut scratch constant; S = Salt content (grams)

The nut scratch constant varies from person to person and applies only to males. The constant for women is still to be discovered. Ô can be described as the amount of minutes, per gram of salt in a man's sweat, that he spends scratching his nuts and arse after getting up. Extensive research has been done on this and it has been empirically proven to be a constant. However, this is out of the scope of this article.

Therefore, I conclude that sweet breakfast items are less sufficient as a breakfast item than savoury products.

Luncheon 30/06/09

2009-06-30T12:34:00.010+01:00

Too busy today for anything interesting perversley enough. Been to Tesco and got this fine foray:

We have, Tesco Southern Fried Chicken Strips, Fish and Veg Sushi Selection and Innocent Smoothies Pomegranates, blueberries and acai... Protein-tastic

I must admit, that is my generic lazy lunchtime meal at the moment. I'll get back on the interesting stuff though.

Now, I didn't know what an Acai was (I know what an AKAI is) so I decided to do some research... Wikipedia say, the Açaí berry comes from the Açaí palm tree. It is pronounced ass-ah-EE not AK-eye like I've been saying in my head. It's touted to be one of these super-foods that allegedly does the following:

Marketers of these products make claims that açaí provides increased energy levels, improved sexual performance, improved digestion, detoxification, high fiber content, high antioxidant content, improved skin appearance, improved heart health, improved sleep, and reduction of cholesterol levels. More dubious claims include reversal of diabetes and other chronic illnesses, as well as expanding size of the penis and increasing men's sexual virility and sexual attractiveness to women. Açaí is most commonly marketed as a weight loss product.

Well, it sounds bloody splendid to me then! Oh but what's this:

As of March 2009, there are no controlled studies backing up any of these claims.

Boo. Well, I don't think 250ml of something that actually contains "25 peeled Açaí berries" is really going to do any of these things on it's own.

As for flavour, well, it seems to take the well known flavours of blueberry and pomegranate and make the whole thing taste a bit... Plasticky. Like someone has leted some vinyl in there as well. Quite pleasant though overall.

Well, at least you've learnt something today. Tomorrow I shall prepare some luncheon more worthy of you reading. Farewell...

It's Back!

2009-06-30T09:10:00.006+01:00

It's been well over a year since I was careless enough to neglect my duties as an internet fatty. I've decided to resurrect the Luncheon Blog. Many experiments have I been conducting, and many of them I can share with you. As a taster, I give you...

Drunken TOATS!

Also back is this year's project:Adonis sadly... Last weigh-in last year was 14st 1lb. I'm currently at 14st 12lb... Let's just say it was a pretty weird year ok...

We'll continue this later...

Luncheon 14/02/08

2008-02-14T13:35:00.004Z

Was in a rush this morning as I'm going away tonight straight from work. Therefore I decided to wander down the town to the French Connection Baguette House again for the famed Mexican Chicken - not tomato. Same as before so no photo. Much better this time, back to the old baguette sleeves but still the Rizla strength bag... Ho hum.

Must add it's fecking COLD today! Sunday, I was walking round Cheslyn Hay wearing nowt but a t-shirt (and some trou obviously), today I needed more coats! What is going on?

Anyway, have a lovely weekend kids, I'm off!

Luncheon 13/02/08

2008-02-13T14:17:00.005Z

Today I thought I'd go a bit unconventional. All morning, I've been craving hummus, don't know why but I have. So I thought I'd get some. What goes well with hummus I thought? Well bread of course! Hummus and bread. That could get a bit bland methinks, so I also got a bag of southern fried chicken strips and a smoothie. Here is what it looks like:

Oddly on the packaging, it was spelt houmous. I've never seen it spelt like that anywhere before. I've seen hummus and humus, but never houmous. Even the Firefox spellchecker agrees with me...

Here's how to make some hummus:

Ingredients:

125g dried chickpeas soaked over night
Juice and zest of one lemon
2 tbsp of sesame paste (also known as tahini)
2 peeled cloves of garlic
100ml Olive oil
salt and pepper to season

Cook the chickpeas in unsalted boiling water for about an hour or until tender. It's important that you don't salt the water as, for some magical reason, the chickpeas never soften otherwise. Drain them and allow them to cool. Whack everything in a blender or food processor and wazz it till its smooth. If you like it smoother, add some water. I like it chunky though =]

Hummus is really good with grilled chicken breast in pitta bread with some roasted veg like onions and peppers and courgettes and maybe a little spinach. Enjoy!

Also, last night I went for that curry, and I must say Quinton Balti is one of the finest Indian Restaurants I've ever been to. the food was excellent! For starter I had an invention called the Nargis Kebab, essentially this is a tandoori scotch egg. It some lovely tandoori keema (lamb mince) covering a whole boiled egg with a small omelette draped over the top. It was most special! I also had some kind of bhuna with chicken and paneer in it. Top Norris!

EDIT: I just found this and had to share: Nargis Kebab Appreciation Society

Luncheon 12/02/08

2008-02-12T17:04:00.000Z

Today I made myself a boring salad with rocket, tomatoes and cucumber and some Sainsbury's organic French dressing (I know I should be making my own!). I couldn't be bothered last night to prepare any carbohydrates to eat. Which means I'm now absolutely starving. I've also eaten today a banana, a carrot, a bunch of grapes and a yoghurt. Therefore, all day peeing and still not full! At least tonight I'm going for a curry at the Quinton Balti, should be ace, I've heard very good things about it. So hungry I even sneaked a bag of Flaming Hot Monster Munch from uncle Parm's Magic Tuck Shop, very bad indeed!

In fact, all I've been thinking about for the last three hours has been curry. I love curry, such a genius invention. I'm going to make one next week I think. I'm off to Wales from Thursday so I won't be updating you till I get back, however I will make sure I keep a note of all of the tasty treats I consume.

Seafood Sticks

2008-02-11T23:08:00.000Z

I love seafood sticks, I've just eaten about ten of them. I thought you might like to know how they are made though. It's nasty.

Basically you get some white fish trimmings such as Coley, Pollock, or Cod and you beat the shit out of it until it becomes a gelatinous goo. You then add some egg white, flavourings, preservatives, soy protein, starch, oil and sugar and then cure it. This is called 'surimi'. You then have to flavour it because it tastes of exactly nothing.

The curing process involves heating it up to polymerise the myosin in the fish flesh. Some fish is unsuitable for this such as whiting, which is where the starch comes into play. In the 70s and 80s before the outbreak of BSE, a cow's blood was typically used to set the fish. Now they tend to use transglutaminase which is an enzyme, to set the myosin. The pink colouring that you see on the edge of the sticks is most commonly artificial but sometimes it is achieved from grinding up shellfish exoskeletons like those on cooked prawns or crayfish.

Doesn't that sound tasty? Apparently the art of surimi making dates back 900 years ago to somewhere in East Asia. Industrialisation was realised in around 1960.

Seafood sticks rock!

Luncheon 11/02/08

2008-02-11T12:56:00.001Z

Well, first of all, I am very sorry, I've been very busy at work so I haven't been able to keep this as up-to-date as I would have liked. Very naughty I know... Well, to be honest, I haven't really eaten much that's been special. I've made a few salads, done some wonderful things with cous-cous had some Morrisson's salads, you know the score. Here's a gallery of a few of the things I've been eating since last time:

Some very nasty Tuna salad from Benjy's

Something random and slimy from Boots

A marvellous sarnie I made

Liquid luncheon

Porky baps from the canteen

Today I could only be arsed to go to Boots so I had the meal deal which has now gone up to £3.20 I might add! Still cheap though, and I had a 'Tomato and Basil Chicken Pasta Salad', which came with a box of carrots and dip and an Orange and Passionfruit smoothie. The salad wasn't bad, slimy and mayonnaisey as usual but that's par for the course. The chicken was a little dry but the dressing was nice. I even got three whole leaves of spinach as a sort of token effort at justifying the name 'salad'. We all know my feelings on the misuse of that word! Wasn't bad though in terms of flavour though, I'll give them that. Here it is in all it's glory:

At the weekend I perfected my 'Special Sauce for Putting on Pan-Fried Seabass mmm it's Dead Nice'. That's it's official name by the way. You make it thus:

Ingredients:

~6 spring onions or one and a half shallots, finely chopped
4 tbl spoons of sherry vinegar
2 egg yolks
200g clarified butter
7 big fresh basil leaves, shredded
1 red chilli, deseeded and finely chopped
3 tbl spoons of water
salt and pepper to season

Chuck the spring onions and vinegar in a hot pan and quickly reduce. When the liquid is down to about a third, pour out and reserve. clean the pan and refill with some cold water and put on the hob until boiling. On top of the pan place a glass or metal bowl. Chuck in the egg yolks, water and seasoning and heat while whisking until the mixture has gone pale and fluffy then slowly pour in the clarified butter whisking all of the time. This is the difficult part cos you end up with butter everywhere and all down your arm. The mixture should start to emulsify like a hollandaise and thicken. Lob in the chilli, basil and vinegar and onion reduction, and whisk for a little bit, then take off the heat and keep it warm over the water until ready to serve. Don't let it go cold before serving or it'll go proper nasty and congealed, a bit like marzipan but horrible.

Pan fry your seabass (also works well with red snapper, mackerel, and trout) and spread some of this tasty stuff over the top, not loads cos it can be quite tart. Server with rocket and cherry tomatoes and a spoon of mushroom risotto or cous-cous. Absolutely bloody splendid! Very pleased with myself over this one. I also have a tasty recipe for a roasted red pepper sauce that goes amazingly with plaice or skate. I'll give you that another time though...

In closing, I thought you might like this poster I found in a pub in Cannock yesterday, made me chuckle!

Oh yes and...

project:Adonis weight: 14st 1lb

Luncheon 18/01/08

2008-01-20T23:53:00.000Z

Well, I was meant to be going for a pub lunch but I was stood up. Won't go into that. Also, it was raining and no-one likes the rain. SO I went as far as Boots for the £2.95 luncheon. I had the pack of three Chicken themed sarns, a bag of carrots and a tasty 'Innocent' Smoothie. Well, the smoothie was good... The sarn-pack contained Chicken Salad, Chicken and Sweetcorn and Chicken and Bacon. Chicken Salad, well, it had tomatoes on, and we all know my opinions on tomatoes in sarnies now don't we? Well, of course it was a sloppy, watery tasteless mess. Chicken and sweetcorn... Or should it be called mayonnaise with a strip of chicken and some sourcorn? Horrible. Chicken and Bacon was OK, but only because the bacon tasted nice. Basically, it was a crap pack of sandwiches. Then the bag of carrots. I don't know how you get carrots wrong, but they did. tasteless watery little sticks of crunch that they were. At least the smoothie didn't let me down! I can't actually remember what it was but it was orange in colour and had something called goji berries in it... I didn't think it was worth a photo...

Oh yeah, and project:Adonis is going really well, lost another 2lb!

project:Adonis weight: 14st 0lb

Luncheon 17/01/08

2008-01-17T00:03:00.000Z

Today I decided to trek across town and get a salad box from Morrisons. Now, salad wasn't a thing they really researched when creating the choices for this so called Salad Bar. My Collins English Dictionary defines salad as the following:

"Salad: n a dish of raw vegetables, often served with a dressing, eaten as a separate course or as part of a main course."

In fact, in French, which is where the word comes from, le salade means lettuce. Oddly enough, when searching for a definition of salad in Google I got this:

"Salad was a UK-based pop group that included vocalist/keyboardist Marijne van der Vlugt, bassist Pete Brown, drummer Rob Wakeman, and guitarist Paul Kennedy. "

There certainly wasn't any of the latter in the Salad Bar! In fact, there weren't many of the former in there either! There was some limp, browning iceberg lettuce, some cherry tomatoes, some grated carrot, beetroot and cucumber. The rest was pure carbs and fat. All sorts of pasta nonsense drenched in oil-rich sauces, and cous-cous full of fried veg. Don't get me wrong, I had loads and it was really good, but salad it ain't. The term salad is bandied about a lot and seriously misused. Like the above said, salad is a collection of raw fruit and veg, or a UK based pop group, not a cold pasta dish!

However, it was really good, I had all sorts of weird and wonderful creamy pasta thing. I'm sure I had my daily calorie intake in one go right there, but it was really tasty!

Luncheons 15/01/08 and 16/01/08

2008-01-16T13:20:00.001Z

Well the last two days have been pretty dull. I had a large quantity of tuna and sweetcorn I'd made up for my tea on Tuesday so I've been having that on sarnies with a yoghurt and a carrot. Nothing worth taking a photo of...

I will however share with you a marvellous use for a tin of tuna if you're in a bit of a rush:

Take your tuna in your favourite format, be it in brine, oil, springwater or even fresh and empty into a bowl. Take a similar quantity of sweetcorn, I find the tinned stuff is perfectly acceptable, and empty into said bowl. Apply a couple of generous teaspoons of your mayonnaise of choice and an equal quantity of your ketchup of choice (instant marie-rose sauce). Season as you would to taste. Give it a wee beating till its all mixed up. While this is going on, have a couple of pieces of toast going in your toaster, and your grill heating up. When your toast is popped and your tuna is sufficiently mixed, apply a 10mm layer of tuna-sweetcorn mix to your newly toasted toast. Generously grate some some medium-mature cheddar cheese over the top, maybe a splash of Worcester sauce and slide it under the grill until the cheese starts to brown.

One of the best uses of tinned tuna going in my opinion. Of course one could tweak the recipe, maybe add some red onion or a chopped yellow pepper to the mix. Maybe add a spot of Tobasco for a bit of zing. You could use Brie instead of cheddar, the possibilities are endless!

Luncheon 14/01/08

2008-01-14T14:33:00.000Z

Today I was late again. Therefore, I did not prepare myself a tasty luncheon at home. I decided instead to go to the French Connection Baguette House in the sprawling, cosmopolitan metropolis that is Walsall. Therein, I purchased one of their finest chicken baguette meal deals. My chicken filling of choice was Mexican Chicken, salad, but no tomato. This final detail is important. I am a learned chap, especially in the ways of eating. I am no master, by any means, one cannot master eating, one can only improve. In my years of tortuous study, I have learned that the bane of the sandwich is the tomato. Fresh tomatoes and sandwiched should not mix. Tomato based condiments, for example, a nice chutney, are fine. In fact, more than welcome is the tomato chutney to say, the turkey sandwich. I digress. Sliced tomato should be kept clear of sandwiches by any means necessary. Firstly, they soggify the sandwich. The jelly-like substance which suspends the seeds, soaks into the bread and makes it slimy and nasty. Secondly, in most sandwich shops, the emphasis is on speed and low cost, the tomatoes are usually flavourless balls of pulp on their last legs. Nasty. Thirdly, the skin gets stuck in my gappy teeth and pulls the whole tomato slice out in one big long chain of slop, all over my chin and shirt. So, in conclusion, tomatoes, no! The rest of the meal deal consisted of a bag of Cheese Doritos and a can of Sprite. ALl for the princely sum of £2.95, bargain!

Not a very impressive photo I know, but what did you expect? Any way, the Mexican Chicken is a fine beast, chicken in mayo spiced with chilli and paprika and mixed up with diced red onion and green peppers. Its one of my favourite sandwiches ever. I doubt it's incredibly healthy as it's full of mayonnaise. Also today, I have consumed a banana, a bowl of porridge and a massive carrot. I have an apple and two satsumas left too. Woo!

Oh yes! I forgot to mention, I used to go to the FCBH, very often but I must admit I haven't been for well over a month now. I am most disappointed with the sandwich peripherals. What I'm talking about are the carrier bags and the baguette sleeve thingies. Firstly, the baguette holster used to be a nice thick paper one with all of the paraphernalia for the shop printed upon it. Now its a plain white one of sub-standard quality which gets soggy and leaks. The carrier bags, well, she ripped one putting my crisps in, then put that one inside another one, which was destroyed before I left the shop. It had the thickness of a Rizla and the strength of a 120 year-old, muscular-atrophied leper...

Luncheon 11/01/08

2008-01-14T13:50:00.000Z

Ah Friday... Usually the realm of the Friday Special in the canteen, but alas not this week. So JD and I ventured down to the Varsity in town for a bit of two-for-a-fiver action. I had the 'Smoked Haddock and Spring Onion Fish Cakes' which came with chips and peas. Standard. It looked like this:

Well, let me see... It could have been good. Even for Brake Brothers generic reheatable pub crap, it could have been good. However, there just isn't any passion in these pub kitchens any more. The fish cakes were overcooked, deep-fried in dirty oil that was too cold. The upshot of which being sloppy greasy fishcakes that tasted a bit of burnt. The chips were once freshly cooked I believe, when they got to me they were lukewarm and chewy like they'd been on a hot plate for an hour. Nasty. And the peas again... Oh Lord, how hard can it be to cook a pea? Again, overcooked, anaemic, tasteless balls of horrible... I bet the kitchen staff are all budding chefs as well in their brains. Amateurs. Even the plates were cold. The superfluous wedge of dry lemon was a lovely finishing touch, couldn't even be arsed to add the usual bit of chopped parsley garnish. However, for £2.50, one can't complain too loudly, it was a bargain! Can't say as it fitted in with the diet but I'm allowed a little indulgence as long as I work it off!

Oh yes, weigh in day! I managed to drop another pound. Must try harder next week!

project:Adonis weight: 14st 2lb

I haven't forgotten!

2008-01-12T13:18:00.001Z

Just been busy with work. I have two more entries to write for Thursday and Friday. Just need half an hour to write them. I might get chance to do it later...

Watch this space!

Luncheon 10/01/08

2008-01-10T13:42:00.000Z

Sorry its late, been busy. Thursday's was another homemade special, Ham salad and coleslaw with some very tasty cherry tomatoes and a carrot. Pudding was a strawberry yoghurt...

Most splendid! Except the coleslaw had leaked all over my bag so it was more like just cabbge, onion and carrot without the mayo...

Luncheon 09/01/08

2008-01-09T13:54:00.000Z

First of all, who the hell voted for sweetmeats?! Do you even know what that is?

Any way, to luncheon. Well today, I was supposed to meeting big, hairy Pete. Well actually, I was supposed to meet him yesterday, but I forgot my wallet. So we rescheduled to today. At 10.30AM I sent him a reminder, I know how useless he is at timekeeping. Anyhoo, at 12 o'clock, I gave him a ring. After some mumbling and unintelligible rambling, I ascertained that he was still in bed... So there went that plan out of the window! Well done Pete =]

So, I decided to give into the peer pressure and head to Subway... Therein I ordered an Italian BMT footlong on Oaty Stoatey Scrotey bread or something, with some salads and sweet Chilli sauce oh and something they call cheese. It wasn't bad, pretty sloppy but essentially very meaty! Ham, salami and pastrami, so the whole thing was made of porks! My favourite! Here it is in all its glory:

It was pretty tasty but I ended up with one end of my sarnie being a big sloppy mess of sauce which was a little bit oo sweet and spicy to be very nice. It was a ridiculous amount of money as well, £4.70! I won't be frequenting it... For pudding, I had a bag of BBQ Mini Cheddars. I love BBQ Mini Cheddars, they're amazing. When I was at uni, I'd buy a multi pack and eat the lot while I was doing bits of coursework. Sooooo sweet and BBQey and nice!

Right, back to work. I'm documenting boring stuff again so it looks like I'm not doing any work cos the stats say so, while in fact I'm doing stuff with other people and not getting any credit for it. Going to watch I Am Legend later. Hit and miss from what I've heard. I shall maybe do a little review later, maybe not...

Luncheon 08/01/08

2008-01-08T13:14:00.000Z

Today, I did get up in time to make some lunch. I made my self two rather splendid ham baps. Just ham? I hear you cry. No! Not just ham, upon the baps was also watercress and coleslaw. I must say, it was a most tasty sandwich! I love watercress, why would anyone bother with bland iceberg when you can have something so tasty as watercress? Oh watercress, will you marry me? I find it goes very well with some ham, salami and mustard. However, if you don't have watercress then pea-shoots are very tasty or rocket. NEVER EAT LOLLO ROSSO! It is the lettuce of Satan himself. Anyway, I know you're dying to see a picture:

Aren't they great? Doesn't the fluorescent Tupperware lid just set them off against my beech desk and Dell Midnight Grey keyboard? I also had (not pictured here) some very fine cherry tomatoes and a Granny Smith so powerful it nearly melted my face. I have two tangerines for later too.

I've also come up with an ingenious way of having breakfast, so amazing you will not be able to comprehend the multifaceted complications of this amazingly diverse cognitive conundrum! I've brought a box of porridge to work! Yes, yes, I know, how did I come up with it? What lateral, out-of-the-box thinking could possibly have delivered such serendipity? Sometimes, I shock myself... So I'll be on the porridge in the mornings. I must say, having eaten brekkie today, I feel quite awake, and my concentration hasn't really dropped for a change! Go breakfast!

Cereal Drought Over

2008-01-07T23:16:00.000Z

Hurray! I managed to get some Choco Snaps on the way home from band rehearsal today! I've just contently munched through a bowl and am now fulfilled! However, I forgot to stock up on Marmite, so I shall have a little sulk about that.

I've just been watching 'Hugh's chicken run' on Channel 4 and I think the next episode will upset me. What annoys me are the people who whinge and moan about not being able to eat free range food because its too expensive. Fair enough, it costs a load extra if you buy from Tesco, but if you get off your fat arse and went to the butcher's you'd find that there's a whole world of tasty cheap cuts of meat that were reared humanely and cost you a whole lot less than Tescos! Try quitting smoking and spending the family allowance on biscuits first! I can go to a butcher near me and buy a whole roll of pork leg joint for £10. That roll of pork can easily be cut in two and feed two families of six, and have spare for a tasty sarnie, maybe with some mustard or horseradish. The same cut of meat, a quarter the size, injected with water and preservatives, shrink wrapped and refrigerated for a week, before it even gets to the shelves from Tesco would cost you about £12. No wonder these stupid people think they can't afford food, it's because they're too bloody lazy to shop around! And that's not even a cheap cut, you can get 2 lb of steak mince in most butcher's for about £2, two massive pieces of shoulder steak for about £3, that'd make a casserole big enough for about 6 or 8 people if you did a lot of mash with it. It's just pure laziness. I hope a whole lot of people watch this program and see just how horrific it is to battery farm animals. Cheap meat is not worth it, if you choose to ignore the suffering and continue buying Asda Smart Price chicken, you're an arsehole.

Rant over, sorry. On a lighter note, I just found out that these exist from one of my favourite websites: Snackspot.org.uk...

New Nobby's Nuts Flavour

I can't wait to have a go on these babies!

Luncheon 07/01/08

2008-01-07T13:06:00.000Z

Today, I was going to make a lovely salad to bring with me. However, I managed to sleep through the dulcet tones of Chris Moyles, wailing in my ear for 45 minutes, and awoke 15 minutes before I had to be at work. Therefore, I made a little trip to Tesco to see what they had on offer in the way of salady things. The answer was a large quantity, but bugger all that looked very nice. I decided upon the least offensive of the salads, which was the aptly named: 'Tuna & Sweetcorn Pasta'

Bearing in mind, this was the nice looking one, here is what it looked like once opened:

My thoughts? A bit like macaroni with cat sick on it... After a little mixing, I managed to get rid of the idea of feline vomit and set to work. Actually, it wasn't too bad at all. The strange mayonnaise based sauce was oddly sweet with a strange spicy kick at the back which I put down to pepper. Started to get a bit sickly after about four forkfulls but I was ravenous. What I did think worked well was the combination of sweet sauce with the salty tuna. I'm a big advocate of the sweet-salty combo, I feel it's underused. My favourite sweet-salty combo is the sweet and salty popcorn mix when viewing a film. The people at the cinema think you're a loony, ignore them, its amazing! Also to go with it (not pictured here) was some kind of 'Innocent Smoothie' knock-off called 'I Am Fresh'. I read the label as Apple and Mango, it was in fact Apple and Mango and Lime. It was quite strange but not entirely unpleasant. I don't think the lime works though really.

Other fun things to note, I have run out of Sainsbury's Choco Snaps. This has made me very angry, not least because there weren't any in Sainsbury's yesterday! Instead of an evening bowl of Choco Snaps, I decided to do some Marmite on toast. Alas! No bleeding Marmite either! So I peeled me a carrot and that was my evening snack. What's up doc etc...

Luncheon 04/01/08

2008-01-04T13:16:00.000Z

Today, as it was pay day, we took a little trip to the most local pub to my office, The Wharf. Therein I ate the a la carte Bangers and Mash:

It wasn't bad. The slaninis were pretty tasty, full of herbs and in the Lincolnshire style. The gravy was good, rich and possibly a touch of red wine... The mash tasted pretty good but is was blatantly reheated. Slightly annoying as the edge bits had gone a little rubbery. The peas were nasty, half of them were raw and half of them were overcooked. They all looked anaemic. A reasonable effort, I'll forgive the mash as its hard to cook to order when the clientèle is as spurious as it is at that end of town. However, peas? Frozen peas take about 35 seconds to cook in boiling water, using precooked peas and mixing with uncooked peas is a pretty poor show. £4.75? A little overpriced I feel, £3.50 would have been reasonable. Oh and can't forget the unreasonably priced flat lager!

First Proper Weigh-in of the Year

2008-01-04T09:24:00.000Z

Well project:Adonis doesn't just include me, it's essentially all the fat guys at work. This morning is the first weigh-in of the year (yesterday was just my sneak peek). Oddly enough its the same as yesterday...

project:Adonis weight: 14st 3lb

How was Christmas?

2008-01-03T14:25:00.000Z

Mine was pretty crap. I was ill for the whole time... In fact I was so ill, I didn't eat for three days! I was actually very fearful that I may never want to eat again... I had a little weep because I couldn't eat. However, I did use my time productively, as I was too zoned out to do any shopping for Christmas and in fact far too skint to buy anything, I decided to try my hand at tasty home-made treats. I spent three days experimenting, ruining and finally perfecting Red Onion Chutney and Fudge!

Now first of all, the Red Onion chutney is fine, and I mean fine! So tasty, I started with a random recipe I found on the internet and played about a bit. I', not going to divulge my exact recipe as it is so tasty, I might think about jarring it up and selling it. In essence it contains many an onion some fine merlot, some unrefined castor sugar, a wee bit of sherry vinegar and some special stuff. Takes bleeding ages to cook but it's worth it. mmmmmm

The fudge is a nightmare, how anyone invented fudge is beyond me. There's such a fine line between what's essentially butterscotch sauce and sweet sand that you can't take your mind of the job for a moment. It takes ages and you have to stir it all the time! I've tried a few recipes now and the ones with condensed milk are second rate. Use one with the fattiest milk you can find and you get fudge so sweet and tasty you can only have a little bit before you don't want to eat fudge again. Thus making it healthy! I shall let you in on the fudge recipe cos its easy:

100g Butter
350ml Milk
300g Caster sugar (I prefer the unrefined golden stuff)
1 tsp Vanilla essence
[Optional, four squares of dark chocolate and 50ml of scotch]

Plonk the butter, milk and sugar in a heavy pan and heat up, stirring all the time. After about two or three minutes it will start to boil. Turn the heat down and keep it boiling, stirring all the time. Keep this going for about 35 minutes. Don't worry, it will look disgusting for the vast majority of the time, like the milk has separated. Ignore it and press on. You may want to get yourself a glass of wine and put the TV on. Maybe even grab a chair. Don't stop stirring for a second or it'll burn and become nasty. If you do have to leave for a wee or whatever, take it off the heat. At no point think about sticking your finger in for a taste, this stuff is hotter than the sun!

After about 35 minutes, it will become a little thicker. This is where it starts to get annoying. Annoying because the time it takes to do this next bit can vary from ten minutes to an hour in my experience, with no bearing on any physical factor. It must be voodoo... At this point, chuck in the vanilla and chocolate and booze if you want to. Careful with the booze, when you chuck it in, the alcohol will evaporate almost immediately and the pan will bubble like a deep fat fryer. Keep your face out of the way! Get yourself a bowl of chilled water on hand. Every five minutes or so, you need to test the mixture. You're looking for a stage that pastry chefs call the 'soft-ball stage'. Now, its no massive secret what this means, it simply means, drop half a teaspoon in some cold water. Leave it for a few seconds to cool to room temperature, take it out and it should be able to rolled into a soft ball. If it isn't ready yet, it'll basically dissolve leaving you with a minging, murky mess (check out my alliteration!). If you go too far, it'll be like toffee. The turning point is very narrow as well so you have to keep on your guard.

Once you have your soft ball, take it off the heat immediately. Run a sink of cold water a couple of inches deep. Take you pan and wooden spoon and plunge the pan into the water, taking care to get none in the pan. Now frantically beat it with the spoon until it starts to make your arms ache but its cool enough to handle without burning yourself. Then you need to spoon it out onto a greased baking tray and pat it into a rectangle so its about half an inch thick all over. It should still be quite warm to the touch and the consistency of warm plasticine. Cover it with a towel or some kitchen roll, not cling film and leave to cool on the work surface. Don't put it in the fridge.

If you for any reason go too far, you'll know pretty quick. Your biceps will burst and you spoon will snap and you'll end up with something resembling builders sand. Tasty sand, but still very gritty. No loss though, I've found its very tasty sprinkled on ice cream!

I think Christmas would be much better if everyone gave up on all of this buying crap for crap's sake, like remote controlled UFOs and novelty pint glasses; and actually put some effort in. How cool would it be if, for Christmas you got a load of hand made food from all of your mates? Delectable desserts, savoury sauces, tasty treats, piquant pickles, marvellous, mouthwatering masterpieces? It would be awesome!

Enjoy your fudge!

Well I bleedin' didn't did I?

2008-01-03T13:34:00.000Z

No, I managed not to keep it up-to-date whatsoever, so here's a new year's one now I'm back at work. Today, I ate leftover pasta bolognese that my browd made two days ago. I reheated it in the microwave at work and it was tasty, if not a little not filling... But that's ok! for I am now part of project:Adonis! Yes that's right ladies! these love handles? Say goodbye! They're going! From now on, we're eating healthily. Yes, I know that may sound silly, but there's only so much pork a man can eat before becoming porcine himself. On that note, an aside, watch this:

<--- Clicky...

Sadly, no photo today, I need to work out how to set my phone up to email again cos the blue teeth on my PC need to see a dentist. So, imagine the following: succulent conchigli pasta with a thin coating of tasty tomato, basil and oregano. A hint of garlic and beautifully juicy red onions and finally, the finest minced steak browned off, all mixed together with Collier's Welsh mature cheddar...

project:Adonis weight: 14st 3lb

Welcome back

2007-07-16T11:46:00.000+01:00

Due to the banning of mySpazz at work it has been increasingly difficult to update you on the progress of my preferred hobby, eating. Hopefully, I'll now be able to keep this one up-to-date =]

I shall update after lunch...