Sunday 20 January 2008

Luncheon 18/01/08

Well, I was meant to be going for a pub lunch but I was stood up. Won't go into that. Also, it was raining and no-one likes the rain. SO I went as far as Boots for the £2.95 luncheon. I had the pack of three Chicken themed sarns, a bag of carrots and a tasty 'Innocent' Smoothie. Well, the smoothie was good... The sarn-pack contained Chicken Salad, Chicken and Sweetcorn and Chicken and Bacon. Chicken Salad, well, it had tomatoes on, and we all know my opinions on tomatoes in sarnies now don't we? Well, of course it was a sloppy, watery tasteless mess. Chicken and sweetcorn... Or should it be called mayonnaise with a strip of chicken and some sourcorn? Horrible. Chicken and Bacon was OK, but only because the bacon tasted nice. Basically, it was a crap pack of sandwiches. Then the bag of carrots. I don't know how you get carrots wrong, but they did. tasteless watery little sticks of crunch that they were. At least the smoothie didn't let me down! I can't actually remember what it was but it was orange in colour and had something called goji berries in it... I didn't think it was worth a photo...

Oh yeah, and project:Adonis is going really well, lost another 2lb!

project:Adonis weight: 14st 0lb

Thursday 17 January 2008

Luncheon 17/01/08

Today I decided to trek across town and get a salad box from Morrisons. Now, salad wasn't a thing they really researched when creating the choices for this so called Salad Bar. My Collins English Dictionary defines salad as the following:

"Salad: n a dish of raw vegetables, often served with a dressing, eaten as a separate course or as part of a main course."

In fact, in French, which is where the word comes from, le salade means lettuce. Oddly enough, when searching for a definition of salad in Google I got this:

"Salad was a UK-based pop group that included vocalist/keyboardist Marijne van der Vlugt, bassist Pete Brown, drummer Rob Wakeman, and guitarist Paul Kennedy. "

There certainly wasn't any of the latter in the Salad Bar! In fact, there weren't many of the former in there either! There was some limp, browning iceberg lettuce, some cherry tomatoes, some grated carrot, beetroot and cucumber. The rest was pure carbs and fat. All sorts of pasta nonsense drenched in oil-rich sauces, and cous-cous full of fried veg. Don't get me wrong, I had loads and it was really good, but salad it ain't. The term salad is bandied about a lot and seriously misused. Like the above said, salad is a collection of raw fruit and veg, or a UK based pop group, not a cold pasta dish!

However, it was really good, I had all sorts of weird and wonderful creamy pasta thing. I'm sure I had my daily calorie intake in one go right there, but it was really tasty!

Wednesday 16 January 2008

Luncheons 15/01/08 and 16/01/08

Well the last two days have been pretty dull. I had a large quantity of tuna and sweetcorn I'd made up for my tea on Tuesday so I've been having that on sarnies with a yoghurt and a carrot. Nothing worth taking a photo of...

I will however share with you a marvellous use for a tin of tuna if you're in a bit of a rush:



Take your tuna in your favourite format, be it in brine, oil, springwater or even fresh and empty into a bowl. Take a similar quantity of sweetcorn, I find the tinned stuff is perfectly acceptable, and empty into said bowl. Apply a couple of generous teaspoons of your mayonnaise of choice and an equal quantity of your ketchup of choice (instant marie-rose sauce). Season as you would to taste. Give it a wee beating till its all mixed up. While this is going on, have a couple of pieces of toast going in your toaster, and your grill heating up. When your toast is popped and your tuna is sufficiently mixed, apply a 10mm layer of tuna-sweetcorn mix to your newly toasted toast. Generously grate some some medium-mature cheddar cheese over the top, maybe a splash of Worcester sauce and slide it under the grill until the cheese starts to brown.



One of the best uses of tinned tuna going in my opinion. Of course one could tweak the recipe, maybe add some red onion or a chopped yellow pepper to the mix. Maybe add a spot of Tobasco for a bit of zing. You could use Brie instead of cheddar, the possibilities are endless!

Monday 14 January 2008

Luncheon 14/01/08

Today I was late again. Therefore, I did not prepare myself a tasty luncheon at home. I decided instead to go to the French Connection Baguette House in the sprawling, cosmopolitan metropolis that is Walsall. Therein, I purchased one of their finest chicken baguette meal deals. My chicken filling of choice was Mexican Chicken, salad, but no tomato. This final detail is important. I am a learned chap, especially in the ways of eating. I am no master, by any means, one cannot master eating, one can only improve. In my years of tortuous study, I have learned that the bane of the sandwich is the tomato. Fresh tomatoes and sandwiched should not mix. Tomato based condiments, for example, a nice chutney, are fine. In fact, more than welcome is the tomato chutney to say, the turkey sandwich. I digress. Sliced tomato should be kept clear of sandwiches by any means necessary. Firstly, they soggify the sandwich. The jelly-like substance which suspends the seeds, soaks into the bread and makes it slimy and nasty. Secondly, in most sandwich shops, the emphasis is on speed and low cost, the tomatoes are usually flavourless balls of pulp on their last legs. Nasty. Thirdly, the skin gets stuck in my gappy teeth and pulls the whole tomato slice out in one big long chain of slop, all over my chin and shirt. So, in conclusion, tomatoes, no! The rest of the meal deal consisted of a bag of Cheese Doritos and a can of Sprite. ALl for the princely sum of £2.95, bargain!



Not a very impressive photo I know, but what did you expect? Any way, the Mexican Chicken is a fine beast, chicken in mayo spiced with chilli and paprika and mixed up with diced red onion and green peppers. Its one of my favourite sandwiches ever. I doubt it's incredibly healthy as it's full of mayonnaise. Also today, I have consumed a banana, a bowl of porridge and a massive carrot. I have an apple and two satsumas left too. Woo!

Oh yes! I forgot to mention, I used to go to the FCBH, very often but I must admit I haven't been for well over a month now. I am most disappointed with the sandwich peripherals. What I'm talking about are the carrier bags and the baguette sleeve thingies. Firstly, the baguette holster used to be a nice thick paper one with all of the paraphernalia for the shop printed upon it. Now its a plain white one of sub-standard quality which gets soggy and leaks. The carrier bags, well, she ripped one putting my crisps in, then put that one inside another one, which was destroyed before I left the shop. It had the thickness of a Rizla and the strength of a 120 year-old, muscular-atrophied leper...

Luncheon 11/01/08

Ah Friday... Usually the realm of the Friday Special in the canteen, but alas not this week. So JD and I ventured down to the Varsity in town for a bit of two-for-a-fiver action. I had the 'Smoked Haddock and Spring Onion Fish Cakes' which came with chips and peas. Standard. It looked like this:



Well, let me see... It could have been good. Even for Brake Brothers generic reheatable pub crap, it could have been good. However, there just isn't any passion in these pub kitchens any more. The fish cakes were overcooked, deep-fried in dirty oil that was too cold. The upshot of which being sloppy greasy fishcakes that tasted a bit of burnt. The chips were once freshly cooked I believe, when they got to me they were lukewarm and chewy like they'd been on a hot plate for an hour. Nasty. And the peas again... Oh Lord, how hard can it be to cook a pea? Again, overcooked, anaemic, tasteless balls of horrible... I bet the kitchen staff are all budding chefs as well in their brains. Amateurs. Even the plates were cold. The superfluous wedge of dry lemon was a lovely finishing touch, couldn't even be arsed to add the usual bit of chopped parsley garnish. However, for £2.50, one can't complain too loudly, it was a bargain! Can't say as it fitted in with the diet but I'm allowed a little indulgence as long as I work it off!

Oh yes, weigh in day! I managed to drop another pound. Must try harder next week!

project:Adonis weight: 14st 2lb

Saturday 12 January 2008

I haven't forgotten!

Just been busy with work. I have two more entries to write for Thursday and Friday. Just need half an hour to write them. I might get chance to do it later...

Watch this space!

Thursday 10 January 2008

Luncheon 10/01/08

Sorry its late, been busy. Thursday's was another homemade special, Ham salad and coleslaw with some very tasty cherry tomatoes and a carrot. Pudding was a strawberry yoghurt...



Most splendid! Except the coleslaw had leaked all over my bag so it was more like just cabbge, onion and carrot without the mayo...

Wednesday 9 January 2008

Luncheon 09/01/08

First of all, who the hell voted for sweetmeats?! Do you even know what that is?

Any way, to luncheon. Well today, I was supposed to meeting big, hairy Pete. Well actually, I was supposed to meet him yesterday, but I forgot my wallet. So we rescheduled to today. At 10.30AM I sent him a reminder, I know how useless he is at timekeeping. Anyhoo, at 12 o'clock, I gave him a ring. After some mumbling and unintelligible rambling, I ascertained that he was still in bed... So there went that plan out of the window! Well done Pete =]

So, I decided to give into the peer pressure and head to Subway... Therein I ordered an Italian BMT footlong on Oaty Stoatey Scrotey bread or something, with some salads and sweet Chilli sauce oh and something they call cheese. It wasn't bad, pretty sloppy but essentially very meaty! Ham, salami and pastrami, so the whole thing was made of porks! My favourite! Here it is in all its glory:



It was pretty tasty but I ended up with one end of my sarnie being a big sloppy mess of sauce which was a little bit oo sweet and spicy to be very nice. It was a ridiculous amount of money as well, £4.70! I won't be frequenting it... For pudding, I had a bag of BBQ Mini Cheddars. I love BBQ Mini Cheddars, they're amazing. When I was at uni, I'd buy a multi pack and eat the lot while I was doing bits of coursework. Sooooo sweet and BBQey and nice!

Right, back to work. I'm documenting boring stuff again so it looks like I'm not doing any work cos the stats say so, while in fact I'm doing stuff with other people and not getting any credit for it. Going to watch I Am Legend later. Hit and miss from what I've heard. I shall maybe do a little review later, maybe not...

Tuesday 8 January 2008

Luncheon 08/01/08

Today, I did get up in time to make some lunch. I made my self two rather splendid ham baps. Just ham? I hear you cry. No! Not just ham, upon the baps was also watercress and coleslaw. I must say, it was a most tasty sandwich! I love watercress, why would anyone bother with bland iceberg when you can have something so tasty as watercress? Oh watercress, will you marry me? I find it goes very well with some ham, salami and mustard. However, if you don't have watercress then pea-shoots are very tasty or rocket. NEVER EAT LOLLO ROSSO! It is the lettuce of Satan himself. Anyway, I know you're dying to see a picture:



Aren't they great? Doesn't the fluorescent Tupperware lid just set them off against my beech desk and Dell Midnight Grey keyboard? I also had (not pictured here) some very fine cherry tomatoes and a Granny Smith so powerful it nearly melted my face. I have two tangerines for later too.

I've also come up with an ingenious way of having breakfast, so amazing you will not be able to comprehend the multifaceted complications of this amazingly diverse cognitive conundrum! I've brought a box of porridge to work! Yes, yes, I know, how did I come up with it? What lateral, out-of-the-box thinking could possibly have delivered such serendipity? Sometimes, I shock myself... So I'll be on the porridge in the mornings. I must say, having eaten brekkie today, I feel quite awake, and my concentration hasn't really dropped for a change! Go breakfast!

Monday 7 January 2008

Cereal Drought Over

Hurray! I managed to get some Choco Snaps on the way home from band rehearsal today! I've just contently munched through a bowl and am now fulfilled! However, I forgot to stock up on Marmite, so I shall have a little sulk about that.

I've just been watching 'Hugh's chicken run' on Channel 4 and I think the next episode will upset me. What annoys me are the people who whinge and moan about not being able to eat free range food because its too expensive. Fair enough, it costs a load extra if you buy from Tesco, but if you get off your fat arse and went to the butcher's you'd find that there's a whole world of tasty cheap cuts of meat that were reared humanely and cost you a whole lot less than Tescos! Try quitting smoking and spending the family allowance on biscuits first! I can go to a butcher near me and buy a whole roll of pork leg joint for £10. That roll of pork can easily be cut in two and feed two families of six, and have spare for a tasty sarnie, maybe with some mustard or horseradish. The same cut of meat, a quarter the size, injected with water and preservatives, shrink wrapped and refrigerated for a week, before it even gets to the shelves from Tesco would cost you about £12. No wonder these stupid people think they can't afford food, it's because they're too bloody lazy to shop around! And that's not even a cheap cut, you can get 2 lb of steak mince in most butcher's for about £2, two massive pieces of shoulder steak for about £3, that'd make a casserole big enough for about 6 or 8 people if you did a lot of mash with it. It's just pure laziness. I hope a whole lot of people watch this program and see just how horrific it is to battery farm animals. Cheap meat is not worth it, if you choose to ignore the suffering and continue buying Asda Smart Price chicken, you're an arsehole.

Rant over, sorry. On a lighter note, I just found out that these exist from one of my favourite websites: Snackspot.org.uk...

New Nobby's Nuts Flavour

I can't wait to have a go on these babies!

Luncheon 07/01/08

Today, I was going to make a lovely salad to bring with me. However, I managed to sleep through the dulcet tones of Chris Moyles, wailing in my ear for 45 minutes, and awoke 15 minutes before I had to be at work. Therefore, I made a little trip to Tesco to see what they had on offer in the way of salady things. The answer was a large quantity, but bugger all that looked very nice. I decided upon the least offensive of the salads, which was the aptly named: 'Tuna & Sweetcorn Pasta'

Bearing in mind, this was the nice looking one, here is what it looked like once opened:



My thoughts? A bit like macaroni with cat sick on it... After a little mixing, I managed to get rid of the idea of feline vomit and set to work. Actually, it wasn't too bad at all. The strange mayonnaise based sauce was oddly sweet with a strange spicy kick at the back which I put down to pepper. Started to get a bit sickly after about four forkfulls but I was ravenous. What I did think worked well was the combination of sweet sauce with the salty tuna. I'm a big advocate of the sweet-salty combo, I feel it's underused. My favourite sweet-salty combo is the sweet and salty popcorn mix when viewing a film. The people at the cinema think you're a loony, ignore them, its amazing! Also to go with it (not pictured here) was some kind of 'Innocent Smoothie' knock-off called 'I Am Fresh'. I read the label as Apple and Mango, it was in fact Apple and Mango and Lime. It was quite strange but not entirely unpleasant. I don't think the lime works though really.

Other fun things to note, I have run out of Sainsbury's Choco Snaps. This has made me very angry, not least because there weren't any in Sainsbury's yesterday! Instead of an evening bowl of Choco Snaps, I decided to do some Marmite on toast. Alas! No bleeding Marmite either! So I peeled me a carrot and that was my evening snack. What's up doc etc...

Friday 4 January 2008

Luncheon 04/01/08

Today, as it was pay day, we took a little trip to the most local pub to my office, The Wharf. Therein I ate the a la carte Bangers and Mash:



It wasn't bad. The slaninis were pretty tasty, full of herbs and in the Lincolnshire style. The gravy was good, rich and possibly a touch of red wine... The mash tasted pretty good but is was blatantly reheated. Slightly annoying as the edge bits had gone a little rubbery. The peas were nasty, half of them were raw and half of them were overcooked. They all looked anaemic. A reasonable effort, I'll forgive the mash as its hard to cook to order when the clientèle is as spurious as it is at that end of town. However, peas? Frozen peas take about 35 seconds to cook in boiling water, using precooked peas and mixing with uncooked peas is a pretty poor show. £4.75? A little overpriced I feel, £3.50 would have been reasonable. Oh and can't forget the unreasonably priced flat lager!

First Proper Weigh-in of the Year

Well project:Adonis doesn't just include me, it's essentially all the fat guys at work. This morning is the first weigh-in of the year (yesterday was just my sneak peek). Oddly enough its the same as yesterday...

project:Adonis weight: 14st 3lb

Thursday 3 January 2008

How was Christmas?

Mine was pretty crap. I was ill for the whole time... In fact I was so ill, I didn't eat for three days! I was actually very fearful that I may never want to eat again... I had a little weep because I couldn't eat. However, I did use my time productively, as I was too zoned out to do any shopping for Christmas and in fact far too skint to buy anything, I decided to try my hand at tasty home-made treats. I spent three days experimenting, ruining and finally perfecting Red Onion Chutney and Fudge!

Now first of all, the Red Onion chutney is fine, and I mean fine! So tasty, I started with a random recipe I found on the internet and played about a bit. I', not going to divulge my exact recipe as it is so tasty, I might think about jarring it up and selling it. In essence it contains many an onion some fine merlot, some unrefined castor sugar, a wee bit of sherry vinegar and some special stuff. Takes bleeding ages to cook but it's worth it. mmmmmm

The fudge is a nightmare, how anyone invented fudge is beyond me. There's such a fine line between what's essentially butterscotch sauce and sweet sand that you can't take your mind of the job for a moment. It takes ages and you have to stir it all the time! I've tried a few recipes now and the ones with condensed milk are second rate. Use one with the fattiest milk you can find and you get fudge so sweet and tasty you can only have a little bit before you don't want to eat fudge again. Thus making it healthy! I shall let you in on the fudge recipe cos its easy:

100g Butter
350ml Milk
300g Caster sugar (I prefer the unrefined golden stuff)
1 tsp Vanilla essence
[Optional, four squares of dark chocolate and 50ml of scotch]

Plonk the butter, milk and sugar in a heavy pan and heat up, stirring all the time. After about two or three minutes it will start to boil. Turn the heat down and keep it boiling, stirring all the time. Keep this going for about 35 minutes. Don't worry, it will look disgusting for the vast majority of the time, like the milk has separated. Ignore it and press on. You may want to get yourself a glass of wine and put the TV on. Maybe even grab a chair. Don't stop stirring for a second or it'll burn and become nasty. If you do have to leave for a wee or whatever, take it off the heat. At no point think about sticking your finger in for a taste, this stuff is hotter than the sun!

After about 35 minutes, it will become a little thicker. This is where it starts to get annoying. Annoying because the time it takes to do this next bit can vary from ten minutes to an hour in my experience, with no bearing on any physical factor. It must be voodoo... At this point, chuck in the vanilla and chocolate and booze if you want to. Careful with the booze, when you chuck it in, the alcohol will evaporate almost immediately and the pan will bubble like a deep fat fryer. Keep your face out of the way! Get yourself a bowl of chilled water on hand. Every five minutes or so, you need to test the mixture. You're looking for a stage that pastry chefs call the 'soft-ball stage'. Now, its no massive secret what this means, it simply means, drop half a teaspoon in some cold water. Leave it for a few seconds to cool to room temperature, take it out and it should be able to rolled into a soft ball. If it isn't ready yet, it'll basically dissolve leaving you with a minging, murky mess (check out my alliteration!). If you go too far, it'll be like toffee. The turning point is very narrow as well so you have to keep on your guard.

Once you have your soft ball, take it off the heat immediately. Run a sink of cold water a couple of inches deep. Take you pan and wooden spoon and plunge the pan into the water, taking care to get none in the pan. Now frantically beat it with the spoon until it starts to make your arms ache but its cool enough to handle without burning yourself. Then you need to spoon it out onto a greased baking tray and pat it into a rectangle so its about half an inch thick all over. It should still be quite warm to the touch and the consistency of warm plasticine. Cover it with a towel or some kitchen roll, not cling film and leave to cool on the work surface. Don't put it in the fridge.

If you for any reason go too far, you'll know pretty quick. Your biceps will burst and you spoon will snap and you'll end up with something resembling builders sand. Tasty sand, but still very gritty. No loss though, I've found its very tasty sprinkled on ice cream!

I think Christmas would be much better if everyone gave up on all of this buying crap for crap's sake, like remote controlled UFOs and novelty pint glasses; and actually put some effort in. How cool would it be if, for Christmas you got a load of hand made food from all of your mates? Delectable desserts, savoury sauces, tasty treats, piquant pickles, marvellous, mouthwatering masterpieces? It would be awesome!

Enjoy your fudge!

Well I bleedin' didn't did I?

No, I managed not to keep it up-to-date whatsoever, so here's a new year's one now I'm back at work. Today, I ate leftover pasta bolognese that my browd made two days ago. I reheated it in the microwave at work and it was tasty, if not a little not filling... But that's ok! for I am now part of project:Adonis! Yes that's right ladies! these love handles? Say goodbye! They're going! From now on, we're eating healthily. Yes, I know that may sound silly, but there's only so much pork a man can eat before becoming porcine himself. On that note, an aside, watch this:

<--- Clicky...

Sadly, no photo today, I need to work out how to set my phone up to email again cos the blue teeth on my PC need to see a dentist. So, imagine the following: succulent conchigli pasta with a thin coating of tasty tomato, basil and oregano. A hint of garlic and beautifully juicy red onions and finally, the finest minced steak browned off, all mixed together with Collier's Welsh mature cheddar...

project:Adonis weight: 14st 3lb