Friday, 3 July 2009


I'm having a bloody terrible day. Auditors really starting to annoy me now, I'm hungry, tired and it's pissing it down. So decided today to opt for more comfort food for two reasons, one, I'm bloody miserable and two, Gregg's is the closest place to walk to in the rain. So I give you: The Impromptu, Stodgy, Dead-Bad-For-You Gregg's Three-Course Banquet!

This consisted of a starter of fine seasoned succulent pork mince, wrapped delicately in all butter puff pastry, hand-rolled by er... (actually don't want to think about what may have prepared it in Walsall). Accurately dubbed the "Sausage Roll". A standard salty pork fest. Top norris.

For main course we have the pièce de résistance, the all-new Gregg's "Fajita Chicken Lattice". This is a new addition to the Gregg's arsenal of coronary delights. Now I must say, it tastes splendid. It's difficult to peer into the slime inside and make out what's actually in it, but it seems to be made mostly of some kind of orange paste. I'm guessing, both from experience and my taste-buds that this consists of some kind of excuse for cheese, paprika, cumin, chili powder and possibly some excuse for peppers and onions somewhere. Of the chicken... Well, I don't recall sensing any. There may have been some deep in the slurry, but it was also volcanically hot, so I'll never know. All in all, as tasty as a Gregg's pasty gets! Nom

For dessert we have the standard Gregg's Peperoni pizza. This is the first time I've had a peperoni one from there. I normally just have the cheese pizza. What did the peperoni add to the dry, chewy, tomato paste-laden slice of unpleasantness? Well it added saltiness. So now its a dry, chewy, tomato paste-laden slice of salty unpleasantness. Not impressed.

Also, it's Friday and thus, project:Adonis weigh in day:

project:Adonis weight: 14st 12lb

So, I've gon nowhere this week. Hardly surprising though considering I've been eating crap constantly...

Luncheon 02/07/09

Yesterday I was stuck at work being bum-raped by auditors so I didn't manage to post luncheon details. I was also in a rush and in need of a serious carb fix. So we have the old classic hummus 'n' bread!

As you can see, I also availed myself of some bhajis and samosas. Very tasty, standard stuff. Shan't bore you too much...

Wednesday, 1 July 2009

Luncheon 01/07/09

Another mad busy day so I write this as I chow down on another Tesco special. Today we have 8 Chicken Nuggets and a 'Seafood Cocktail' sandwich. Also Tropicana pomegranate, grape and apple.

Well the chicken nuggets are ace, and now in a box so they don't go soggy like they used to. I'm sure they're full of salt and dreaful for me. 'Seafood Cocktail', hmm... An interesting claim. It appeared to be some minced up seafood sticks and a prawn (one prawn) in some slime. Now, I told you what was in seafood sticks before. I'm not sure what I was expecting from this sandwich but it was like eating somebody's chilled snot... Nasty. I had images in my head of succulent prawns, chunks of crayfish, of salmon flakes and tuna, maybe even some smoked mackerel fillet. I think the heat must be messing with my mind.

Since I began writing this, one of the boys walked in with an ice-lolly for everyone. Splendid! So I had a rocket shaped lolly that tasted of... er... Disinfectant. But it was nonetheless very refreshing in this very warm afternoon. Sadly, I can no long taste anything after the severe chilling and massacring of my tastebuds, so i'll never know what my juice tasted like. It seemed warm though so not entirely pleasant.

Enjoy your luncheon!

Frazzles and SCIENCE!

Frazzles are bloody great, especially for breakfast. I've come to the conclusion over the years that a savoury breakfast is much more fulfilling than a sweet breakfast. Also, I find them more palateable. I'm one of a breed of people that just can't deal with breakfast in the morning, I need to do something first. Generally, I get up, have a glass of water, shower and walk the 2.3 miles to work every day. When I get there I have my brekkie, toast, porridge, nutrigrain bar, banana, whatever. That's fine. By the time I've managed to saunter all the way there, my bizarre digestive system is ready to accept sustinence. If I try and eat straight after getting up, I feel awful. Can't stomach it at all... An example, I stayed at my bro's gaff on Friday night, as I am often wont to do. We had to get up pretty early the next day to set up a summer fête, and upon the morn, my brother's wonderful fiancée provdide me with two rounds of splendid toast. I was nearly sick... I don't know what it is about mornings but I can't deal with it.

Now, what has this to do with Frazzles you say? Well, frazzles appear to be the only thing I can stomach first thing in the morning. Why? I think it's down to salt content. I can manage a bacon sarn about half an hour after getting up, sausage, maybe 45 minutes, toast an hour, cereal 90 minutes. It seems to me that the salt content is inversely proportional to the time in which I can consume said product. This can be displayed thus:


Where: T = Time after awakening (minutes); Ô = The nut scratch constant; S = Salt content (grams)

The nut scratch constant varies from person to person and applies only to males. The constant for women is still to be discovered. Ô can be described as the amount of minutes, per gram of salt in a man's sweat, that he spends scratching his nuts and arse after getting up. Extensive research has been done on this and it has been empirically proven to be a constant. However, this is out of the scope of this article.

Therefore, I conclude that sweet breakfast items are less sufficient as a breakfast item than savoury products.

Tuesday, 30 June 2009

Luncheon 30/06/09

Too busy today for anything interesting perversley enough. Been to Tesco and got this fine foray:

We have, Tesco Southern Fried Chicken Strips, Fish and Veg Sushi Selection and Innocent Smoothies Pomegranates, blueberries and acai... Protein-tastic

I must admit, that is my generic lazy lunchtime meal at the moment. I'll get back on the interesting stuff though.

Now, I didn't know what an Acai was (I know what an AKAI is) so I decided to do some research... Wikipedia say, the Açaí berry comes from the Açaí palm tree. It is pronounced ass-ah-EE not AK-eye like I've been saying in my head. It's touted to be one of these super-foods that allegedly does the following:

Marketers of these products make claims that açaí provides increased energy levels, improved sexual performance, improved digestion, detoxification, high fiber content, high antioxidant content, improved skin appearance, improved heart health, improved sleep, and reduction of cholesterol levels. More dubious claims include reversal of diabetes and other chronic illnesses, as well as expanding size of the penis and increasing men's sexual virility and sexual attractiveness to women. Açaí is most commonly marketed as a weight loss product.

Well, it sounds bloody splendid to me then! Oh but what's this:

As of March 2009, there are no controlled studies backing up any of these claims.

Boo. Well, I don't think 250ml of something that actually contains "25 peeled Açaí berries" is really going to do any of these things on it's own.

As for flavour, well, it seems to take the well known flavours of blueberry and pomegranate and make the whole thing taste a bit... Plasticky. Like someone has leted some vinyl in there as well. Quite pleasant though overall.

Well, at least you've learnt something today. Tomorrow I shall prepare some luncheon more worthy of you reading. Farewell...

It's Back!

It's been well over a year since I was careless enough to neglect my duties as an internet fatty. I've decided to resurrect the Luncheon Blog. Many experiments have I been conducting, and many of them I can share with you. As a taster, I give you...

Drunken TOATS!

Also back is this year's project:Adonis sadly... Last weigh-in last year was 14st 1lb. I'm currently at 14st 12lb... Let's just say it was a pretty weird year ok...

We'll continue this later...

Thursday, 14 February 2008

Luncheon 14/02/08

Was in a rush this morning as I'm going away tonight straight from work. Therefore I decided to wander down the town to the French Connection Baguette House again for the famed Mexican Chicken - not tomato. Same as before so no photo. Much better this time, back to the old baguette sleeves but still the Rizla strength bag... Ho hum.

Must add it's fecking COLD today! Sunday, I was walking round Cheslyn Hay wearing nowt but a t-shirt (and some trou obviously), today I needed more coats! What is going on?

Anyway, have a lovely weekend kids, I'm off!